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Absolute Healing Blog

From Pain to Peace; A Healing Journey - preface

Posted in Clare's story on 08/12/2015

From Pain to Peace; A Healing Journey - preface

‘’I am like a block of ice inside. I don’t feel a thing anymore.’’

As I realised the truth of what I had just heard a cold numbness slowly took hold of me, starting in my heart and spreading steadily and mercilessly until it inhabited my entire body. There was nothing I could say or do, this was an immediate, irreversible and brutal end to my life.

We stood up, left the pub and drove silently back to our holiday house. I got to bed and lay there, probably all night, making no sense and having no glimmer of the possibility of a way forward or a return to what was. Slowly and numbly the rest of our week away passed, we took the kids places, I guess we cooked and ate, and then we drove home, back to a life that was emptied of colour, feeling and point.

And so my marriage ended, and in the ensuing years my children left home and moved away, my Mum died, my childhood home was sold, my dog died, my daughter’s horse and my pony were rehomed, I grew distant from my siblings, I sold the family home and finally left the village where I had lived for 20 years. And at some fuzzy point in this process of dissolution I ended my long and painful journey into despair and began to rebuild something new. It has been a tortuous and stuttering path of realisation, atonement and creation of a more mindful life that I have been walking for ten years now. Over this time I have retrained, built a business, become self-supporting to the point where I am a tax payer, created a training college and retreat centre, written a book, developed healthier relationships with my family and made some wonderfully deep and authentic friendships. I have also developed a powerful and accessible new approach to mindfulness that is changing the lives of hundreds, and through the ripple effect, thousands of people.

This is the story so far of my insights, atonement and healing: of how I did it, what I learned and of the teachers who helped me along my way. Am I through it? I do not think so. Am I more passionate, more present and more empowered? Most days, yes. Am I less burdened, more alive, more joyful, healthier, more conscious and kinder both to myself and to others? Definitely. I hope you gain some inspiration, strength and direction to your own healing path through reading it.

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